A: As I read your dilemma, I was reminded of how people view love so differently, particularly in their most intimate relationships. That said, I should clarify that my answer is based on the limited information you’ve shared.

There’s no doubt that hearing “I love you” pulls us in. These three magical words hold us captive, leaving us breathless for more. But words alone often feel hollow—we need actions to show us what love means. Compliments and affection are expressions of feeling; they’re the proof that satisfies our hearts. Without them, words can sound like empty promises. Where I come from, there’s a saying: “Mouth can say anything,” meaning talk is cheap if the mind, heart, and soul aren’t aligned. For “I love you” to feel real, your partner’s sincerity must leave no room for doubt.

In my years of helping individuals and couples with relationship issues, I’ve seen how love is shaped by childhood. Some replicate the role models they grew up with, while others strive to become the affectionate partner they never witnessed.

Perhaps your partner grew up with a stoic male figure, leading him to equate emotional restraint with masculinity. Men of few words often argue that providing and being present “should be enough”—they shouldn’t have to spell it out.

Discussing feelings is especially difficult for many men, as boys are often taught to “toughen up” and avoid “acting like a girl.” The result? Partners end up mind-reading, and projecting assumptions onto the relationship due to poor communication. Both sides feel unseen and misunderstood, creating a rift filled with self-doubt, mistrust, and disappointment.

This disconnect creates a ripple effect. Negativity and lethargy spill into friendships, family, and work. Physical health suffers—sleep, eating, anxiety, and other stress-related issues—and the relationship grows dull. Thoughts like “Is this it?” or “I give up” become common, and settling feels inevitable.

So, my question to clients is: