Restoring or Intensifying Intimacy

“Has your closeness, your intimacy,
been ‘off’ since before lockdown?”

Stay with me and I’ll show you how to…

  • open the conversation
  • flirt again
  • keep the deep passionate kissing alive

Everyone thinks sexual intimacy comes naturally to all of us. Adam and Eve, The Birds and The Bees, and so on. But I know from doing this work for a long time that it doesn’t always come naturally to everyone.

Sexual intimacy is very complex. Each couple is unique and we should never compare ourselves, but I know this is easier said than done. We take in other people’s stories, we look at couples who look like they’re really hot for each other, and we wonder what they have and what we don’t. The media makes us believe other people’s lives are perfect and problem-free. Celebrities’ lives stimulate our fantasies and make us feel unsettled and dissatisfied. But No One and Nothing is perfect, and I’m here to let you know that you, too, can create an extraordinary relationship — Extraordinary for You!

But it takes Two to Tango. Everyone needs to be on the same page for your efforts to get results.

If your sexual intimacy was off before lockdown, it’s possible that the space between you is now getting wider, and things are becoming more intense. Maybe you feel like no matter what you do, nothing changes.

Let’s talk about what might have come between you. Are there previous betrayals or resentments you’re holding onto? Or perhaps things just never got off to a good start, and maybe their skills have always been a bit lukewarm?

Recently, I’ve been working with a newly-married couple who identified red flags prior to the wedding, but thought that everything would be okay once they were married. Unfortunately, things only got worse, and very quickly, and the word annulment was uttered. It was terrible, and I felt their pain and how it was pushing them right to the edge.

Have you been there? Teetering on the edge? Thinking what’s the point of anything, and not wanting to go on… with life? Have you felt soooo desperate and in so much pain that your whole mind, body, and soul feel like they’re crying that there is no way out ?

I understand. And this is why it’s so important to try and improve the most intimate area of your personal life. We are sexual beings wired for connection, and intimacy is at the core of our happiness; and the ripple effects — good or bad — can be felt throughout all the other areas of our life.

And here you are, both at home in lockdown, and you are acutely aware of the things that are lacking. Well, let’s get to work on deepening the intimacy and spicing things up!

So let me share a few tips to get you started…

  1. Try opening the conversation — outside of the bedroom. Make sure it’s not a pointing-the-finger question but an opener born out of genuine curiosity and the desire for both of you to have your needs met.

a. Ask your partner about their feelings regarding your sex life.
b. Ask them what they want and need.
c. Talk about your hopes and desires.
d. And then LISTEN carefully.

  1. Discuss and find a light sense of humour for discussing sexual intimacy. How can you make it more fun and playful?
  2. Talk about the flirting, and the things that you did, or liked, at the beginning of your relationship. Then start doing some of those things again: eye gazing, brush of the hand, holding hands, sweet name calling, etc.
  3. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss some more. Deep passionate kissing is the gateway to all forms of eroticism, and it is the quickest way to increase arousal. Reintroduce or enhance the frequency, intensity, technique of  your kissing.
  4. Flirt and take your time. Anticipation is important for heightening sexual desire. Have fun, creating, and planning!