“Do you feel no one is listening to you,
or that you cannot find common ground?”
Stay with me and I’ll show you how to…
- save your sanity
- understand the importance of teamwork
- discover the beauty and harmony of structure
If you feel no one is listening to you and that you’re unable to find common ground, I can tell you that you’re not alone. I hear so many complaining about having to repeat themselves, getting frustrated and angry, going round and round in circles, and feeling ready to give up.
Resentment builds and all too often a disconnect, a true intimate distancing, is felt. Not surprising, right? Does this sound familiar?
Perhaps there is a sense of priorities shifting and you find yourself arguing over the “small stuff.” You’re out of step, out of sync, and not on the same page as you used to be. Perhaps it may even feel like you’re not even in the same chapter!
I worked with a couple whose first four years of marriage were long distance. They had never lived together as husband and wife for any longer than two weeks. Can you imagine? Then, she was transferred to a new location for work, and suddenly they were living together — for the first time. As you can imagine, getting on the same page was an uphill climb. They clashed and bumped heads over what felt like everything. Household things, daily living, parenting, and so much more. Frustration, disbelief, and words like “divorce” were thrown around. It took alot of rearranging, accommodating, and intense sessions with me before things started to settle.
Is it all perfect now? No, by no means. But they now have skills to deal with issues that come up.
For you, it may be that you and your partner were just so busy that you didn’t get a lot of time together to realize how not on the same page you were. But now, with this lockdown, and everything’s simply becoming magnified and intense the way it did for our long-distance couple.
Worry not. It’s possible to get on the same page. It just takes intention and attention.
Here are five tips to get you started:
1) Be the one to start the conversation. I know trying something new can be daunting, but… just go for it! Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Take a deep breath and decide to open the conversation with something like.
a) Let’s do things differently now that we’re all home together.
b) This is the time for us to work with each other, not against one another
2) Together, write down structured time for Work, Personal Time, and Together Time. Choose a respectful time and place for everyone.
a) Establishes fairness, especially if your people regularly complain about it.
b) Commit to sitting down and eating 3 meals together every day. I know this may seem obvious, but I know many people do not share one mealtime together. Imagine… if things go well, you may even start preparing meals together!
3) Reminisce and acknowledge your history together.
a) Celebrate the highs and the lows.
b) Pat yourselves on the back for surviving.
4) After the first day, ask for feedback.
- Make joint decisions if anything needs to be altered.
5) Then adjust and repeat until you enjoy the beauty and harmony of structure.